Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
