Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
