fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
