her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
