I got chris browned last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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