Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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