As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
