I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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