My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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