Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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