okay pat passed out under dana's car
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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