Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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