We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
