Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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