I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
