I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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