So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
