I am puke
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
