So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
