The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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