4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
