i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
