White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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