If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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