Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
