Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize