cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
