Yo dont text me then not text me
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
