She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize