The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
