Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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