I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need water and some morals
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