Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
