I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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