yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
