her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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