Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
