My boss' voice literally gives me gas
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
