His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
