God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
