I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
