He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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