Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
