and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
