she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize