i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
