Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can i not drive my cunt home
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize