News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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