I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
