My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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