The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
