My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She announced her abortion via fbk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
