Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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