New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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