people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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