so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
