I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
