You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
