Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
