i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
