whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
