I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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