He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
