She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
