Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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