I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
