woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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