your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Will exercising make me less horny?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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