these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
