whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
