fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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