I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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