Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
