I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
