There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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