Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I need help removing her.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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