I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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