the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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