her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
