How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
