Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
