you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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