Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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