New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
