I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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