His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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