i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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