she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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