I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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