peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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