I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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