I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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