Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize