i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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