Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
