woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
