Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
