I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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