you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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