you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
