He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
