it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
