Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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