Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
