He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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