Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize