Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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