Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
